Pass and Aggregate : Chapter 17 Balancing Act

Chapter 17: Balancing Act

Prayers being listened by God and I being drenched by the eternal flow of love, was an experience which cannot be narrated by mere words. There are certain surreal feelings which cannot be explained or talked about, passion being one of them. We were getting close yet we were far, there was still space of few silences between us. Many of you might be wondering what would have happened post the ‘Chivalric Kiss’, yes the kiss was one of the blunders that I committed. I being not so sure of her reaction kissed her on the forehead, just trying to play safe, but when the next occasion of kissing her came she offered her forehead again and that was preposterous according to me. An act of chivalry but leading to the path of the grave was uncalled for. Instead of being rewarded for my demeanor, I was being punished. Do not judge me as some kind of lecherous fellow who was interested in a kiss but I just thought that she did not trust me with a sweet kiss how would she trust me with her life and that was hurtful. I knew we had our boundaries and the family culture, Indian ethos but still it was a matter of her conviction and confidence in me which I thought was far from being complete.

I thought of talking to her on those lines but either she was not getting my point or she was acting of not getting my point, she just gave me a smile, the meaning of which could not be deciphered, she always left her sentences incomplete while speaking on the subject and I kept on wondering like a student in the examination hall “What went wrong this time?”  Girls are indeed complicated; you can never know what is cooking in their mind. At times when I thought I made a witty remark even the slight smirk on her face took away the glory of my sarcasm and when I thought she was making fun of me she was actually trying to pamper me with her tender words.  

The stint in Ahmedabad was good at a personal level; it was a sort of awakening of me. True love can often have a liberating influence on one self and I too felt liberated. We met daily and any day when we could not meet appeared to be longer than usual. The city of Ahmedabad to me was like City of love, Paris. We used to go to the parks, the lakes, the malls and the cafés; everything was so far so good except a tension was playing all along on my mind and that were my exams which were too close. Although I tried studying but work and my love affair kept me busy and whatever little time I could take out from it was spent in teaching my sister, who was already upset about the number of hours I was spending with Anushka.

“I am going to tell mom, that you are not studying and you are simply wasting your time and energy and money on Anushka” said Akshayaa teasing me.

Time and energy was not wasted, time was invested and energy was rechanneled, money I don’t think was much to be argued upon as we always shared the bill, so why was my darling sister so spiteful towards my girl.

“Dare you say a word about her, I swear even I have quite a few material in your respect which I would not mind sharing with Mom” I said in a rhetoric tone, trying to remind of her boyfriend on the campus.

Akshyaa was baffled for a second; she never thought I could be so venomous; I behaved like a little kid who was out there to protect his toys. Even I never thought I could be so possessive about Anushka.

“Aditya, you are so dead, I will never forgive you all I wanted to tell you was that you should study, only four months are left before you give your exams” Akshyaa said, sounding very harsh.

She was right, and this comment made me more nervous than ever. I had to think of my career. After all ‘Romance is the privilege of rich not the profession of unemployed’. I had to now take my career seriously over other things; I had to do a balancing act. In life we all should strive to attain a balance, since a situation of extremes is neither suitable nor desirable. I had no idea how would I do it but I had to do it.

 The next time when I met Anushka I told her about the meeting that transpired between me and Akshyaa. I thought she would be angry but surprisingly she was calm, composed and said “Aditya, I can understand the anxiety of your sister and whatever she says is true, so as a solution now we will meet twice a week rather than on daily basis”.

I could not utter any word that day, because I wanted to be with Anushka but my studies were also on priority list. I simply nodded to her suggestion. After that day we met rarely although we agreed meeting twice a week but the meetings became few. I was lost in work and studies; I had huge books, voluminous data to study, to comprehend and to grasp. I even took a coaching at the insistence of Jignesh which was helpful.

I was confused about my relationship status, on certain occasions I felt Anushka was avoiding me and at times I felt everything was normal, we chatted on Facebook but more often we disagreed and fought for no sane reasons, and all the time was spent on fighting and than making up.

Once, while chatting on Facebook she revealed to me.

“Do you know Aditya, you resemble to a very handsome looking journalist on a News Channel, and when I saw you I could almost connect to him…”

And before she could complete her sentence I was surrounded by the green eyed monster, I was so jealous, I mean she was trying to tell me that she liked me because I resembled a spectacled, over the top, shouting and excited news anchor. I despised this anchor so much; he was so authoritarian and never allowed his guests to speak but to my sweet heart he was the most dashing, quick witted humorous and nationalistic figure, she never chatted during his show. To counter her I showed my penchant for movie actresses or even Shruti but she never showed her covetous side. I still do not know whether she was actually above the vices and sins of envy and jealousy or she kept those feelings to herself to irritate me even further.

I being a man and men being rational fools kept on analyzing her behavior towards me which oscillated between ‘I am her good friend’ to ‘I am her special friend’ and when I dared to ask her to define my position in her life she started crying which though was not intended but she being a woman and women being sentimental fools tears were sure to follow.

My relationship of almost three months had to face another onslaught in near future and that was long distance. The audit ended and I had to report back to Mumbai. Anuskha had three more months before she returns to Mumbai after her internship with a News Paper in Ahmedabad.

I was meeting her for the last time before I appear for my exams; we met at Drive-in, the open air Cinema. When I broke the news of going back to Anushka she had tear in her eyes, and pardon me but those tears somehow were exhilarating to me, though I was not driving any sadistic pleasure but at least they symbolized her affection for me.

“Do study, and please do not take any tension, you will definitely come out with flying colors’”, She said.

I just nodded, last three months flew by so soon, I thought. So much has changed, it seemed like a fairy fiery tale full of its ups and down, twists and turns but still it was worth every bit of it. I had balanced the relationship well along with work and my studies and I was proud of it, Anushka was equally supportive and I patted myself on back for having selected her.

Just few minutes before the movie ended, she took me by hand. I was surprised because she never had been a domineering person and before I could even comprehend what was happening I ultimately received my farewell gift. It was good while it lasted, even later if I may say so. Without going into the details I would just reveal the curse of ‘Chivalric Kiss’ was over.